I love my sister and have long recognized that she has a more interesting life than I do, in large part I think, because she is more restless than I. She wants to be out doing things whether it's soccer, shopping, going to the gym, or a club, or a fair. I'm more of a homebody. The fact that she earns significantly more than I do doesn't hurt either. She also has the capacity to get into some zany situations. She'll call or email with this long, convoluted story that is absolutely hysterical. Today's sister story is about a bad weekend from a few years ago (in her own words):
I guess everyone is seeing a pattern to my e-mails now. I only email when I have done something slightly, or extremely stupid. Well, this weekend was no exception. It
starts off well; both of my roommates were going to be out-of-town,
this becomes important later, so I get the apartment to myself. Oh, what a nice relaxing weekend this is going to be!
I first drove to the library to drop off some books. Lo and behold what happens when I stick my key in my car lock, the lock, which was loose, falls into my car door. I know you are probably wondering how this happens, well don't ask me because I sure as hell don?t know. All I know is when I tried to put the key into the door, the lock just pushes back and disappears. I get my trusty maglite out, and I can see the lock just floating around in the door. Of
course something good comes out of this, now I can unlock my door
without a key, I can just stick my finger in the hole that used to be
my lock and use my finger as the key. I would
like to point out the reason that I know this is because on the
passenger side door of my dad's corvette he did not have a lock, not
because I used to steal cars to feed my bad porn habit.
The next day, I go shopping, because of
another stupid thing I did earlier in the week, to buy new trainers
since mine were now in a car heading to Titusville, instead of a bus to
St. Cloud. (to those who don't know country, that is a reference to a
Trisha Yearwood song, but I am sure A will get it because she is that
damn cool) I swing by B's to feed her cats then go home.
I go for a run that night to break in my new trainers. I put the key on my shoelace, like I always do. I plop my ass down in front of the tv when I get back, all new Trading Spaces on, and I cannot miss that. When the second Trading Spaces comes on, I am starting to get hungry, so during the first commercial break I jump in the shower. I
was really excited to take a shower because of the supercool new towels
I got from Bloomingdale's, but this is beside the point. When I get out Trading Spaces is back from commercial. When the next commercial break comes on, I throw on some clothes, ones that I just washed and were next to me on the couch.
I am going commando for no apparent reason other than I am just stupid. So I have on my soccer shorts on with a tank top and a t-shirt with no shoes. I lock the bottom lock and do a quick run to McDonald's. When I get back I am going up the stairs and searching for my keys in my purse. I
will tell you there is nothing like the feeling of doom you get when
you look at your keyring and see four keys when you are supposed to
have five. So my dumbass left the key on my shoe. I am standing outside my apartment with my McDonald's with no underwear on and no shoes.
I call N to see if she has our landlord's number, unfortunately I cannot get through. So I try to call my dad thinking he can talk me through picking the lock. When I finally get through to him, he is describing how I need to do this with a card. The
first one I try is too stiff, it was my old ISIC ID, and then my sister
suggested I use my Blockbuster card, unfortunately this is too flexible. I flop onto my back and look up, and what do I see, a really large fire extinguisher on the wall. Do
not worry, I did not give in to the temptation to bust open the door,
not because of fear of breaking the door, but because I was afraid of
someone catching me and calling the cops.
I am starting to get a slightly panicky feeling in my stomach. Luckily I still have B's keys, so I can always stay there. Unfortunately An is not due back until Monday, and N is supposed to be back Sunday. I start to worry that N will stay with her mom an extra day. So
what happens if Monday comes around and I still cannot get into the
apartment, am I supposed to call work and say, sorry can't come in
today I don't have any underwear. My mom suggests I can go to Target
and buy some, but oh, wait I can't get into Target, don't have shoes. Then I remember I have hiking boots in my trunk. Can you imagine me walking into Target in soccer shorts and a t-shirt, commando, with hiking boots on, with no socks?
At this point, I realize there is no way in
hell I am doing that, I didn't care if I had to stay out there the
whole night, ruining every card I had in my purse. I was going to get in the apartment. So I get out my old military ID, and like Goldilocks, the third one is just right. As soon as the door popped open, I get up and start singing the song from Rocky, dancing around jabbing at the air.